Tag Archives: pneumothorax.

Life Threw Me A Punch!

21 Jul

Do You or Have You Felt Like You’re Not Good Enough?

No longer an option

I did and it was hard to admit you were playing a role that you didn’t enjoy playing! That is almost a victim role but if you are like I was, you don’t even know you are doing it. Too often we settle and we buy into what someone else has told us about what is best for us! How do they know so much about us anyway? Or it could be as in my case, a double whammy hit me with not one but two health issues that literally knocked me off my feet.

I have shared the first part of my story, for the first time in an earlier post. And the second half is right here. One of the reasons I am sharing is because we have the power within us to change how we think and feel and consequently how we go about living no matter what the situation. Easy? Hell NO! But so possible and so real. And I hope with all sincerity that this post helps even one person see their own situation in a different light.

Keep an open mind and follow your own dream. After all it is yours and yours alone! Not too often do you see someone else with the identical dream.

Entrepreneurship can feel like an impossible dream. You can become an expert in a lot of things, but self doubt isn’t one where you want to to become an expert. Why? Because everybody and anybody can become a successful entrepreneur. If you’ve ever doubted yourself, STOP. You can wait your entire life for some magical moment or transformation…or you can take the necessary steps to change it right now.

It is called Mindset or a Mind Shift and you have probably seen or read about this as it seems to be all over social media. But the truth is, it really is that simple. You must first CHOOSE to take that first step and re-program your thoughts. You may not have a passion or a purpose, or you may think you need one to be successful but the truth is anyone can be an entrepreneur. You are an entrepreneur if you sell anything to anyone a product a service or ___then you have that in your blood. You just need to know it, simplify it and believe it. Believe in you and success can be yours.

And here is another foot note If you are doing a side hustle or home business in network marketing and you know you have something very special then for heaven’s sake share it because if you don’t someone else is going to!! Just make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. The value you can offer others is far greater than those feelings of self doubt. Think of yourself as being a part of someone’s solution especially if what you have is something you believe in.

The Day My Life Changed…a DOUBLE WHAMMY!

It was supposed to be an exciting time for me. We had finally gotten conclusive evidence and the correct diagnosis for what was happening to me…Livedoid Vasculopathy and the medication was finally starting to work. For the first time in over 2 years I was pain free and no longer needing the Oxy-Codeine and Morphine combos to deal with the pain. I had been given my ‘release papers’ from home nursing care to dress my wounds! It was an exciting time! I was over the moon and ready to start over.

The healing time with the new medication took a few months but by Jan. I was on the mend and it was just a few more months to spring and getting back on track with a new career choice. I loved decorating and had always been given compliments or asked to decorate for friends or family so thought maybe doing something like “Staging Homes for Real estate” or Staging homes to live in would be a fun thing to do.

I started looking for training as I liked the idea of learning the ins and outs and being certified. It just seemed like something I might need. I found an awesome online training that would take me a few months to complete along with some extra training in choosing the best colors for your home. Dressing up your home to sell it or just to live in is such a treat and I was excited as I progressed with each module and exam.

It was late April and I was just finishing up and getting all my pamphlets done and business cards made and an open house arranged to introduce my new and wonderful adventure. I already had two people asking for advice on fixing up certain living areas in their homes. The doorbell rang, and a box was sitting on my doorstep. My pamphlets and business cards were here and they were perfect! I had just gotten off the phone with a ‘student painter’ and we were setting up a meeting to discuss working to help each other getting underway and then it was a crash and burn as I went down so hard I had no idea what was happening.

My excitement turned to sheer PANIC and FEAR! I couldn’t breathe for more than a few steps at a time. This was so strange. I kept telling myself it was something in the air and I would just go and sit and try something different. It continued for a long long time and even just trying to shower or do my hair was a huge effort. I am sure it was the longest hair drying time in history. I had to keep stopping…and then my voice started to change and talking became difficult. I wasn’t getting better, that was for sure. In actual fact I think it was my determination to keep on going that got me as far as I got. I was sure it would go away and was just something silly happening to me.


Gasping for air and struggling to even speak…my words were being forced out of me! It was now a 911 emergency. The ambulance was called as it was serious and I was transported to the Hospital. Nothing scary about that! I couldn’t talk, and it was very painful as my chest felt as though it could break apart or explode at any minute. I remember the paramedic saying he thought I may be having a heart attack and asked me to chew this aspirin on the way to the hospital. I was starting to get even more anxious and remember asking for my brother to be called.

Once in the Emergency Dept. and in the trauma unit, it was filled with nurses and Drs. taking my clothes off and trying to find out what was happening. Then they put the stethoscope to my back and the Dr. said I am not getting any breath sounds on the left side. An Xray cart was called and they propped me up and had me attached to oxygen and sure enough, my lung had collapsed with no apparent warning or injury.

They called for the on-call surgeon and it wasn’t long before they were prepping me for what was to be an excruciating experience. A chest tube was being inserted into my chest cavity, thru the rib cage and I could feel every single wiggly movement!! Yes, you had to be awake! I really cannot tell you the time frame here, but it was a few hours later and more x-rays and then they moved me to a different area of emergency to wait for a room as I needed to be admitted to the hospital for a few days.

It was during this time that a few things were starting to change again. I was calmed down and breathing with help so that was a relief but my skin was looking odd. I didn’t notice it until after they had taken me to the x-ray dept. and the orderly had me laying down. When they brought me back up to a sitting position, my skin had a mottled effect but just on my arms. It was so odd. I showed the nurse when she came in and then we just dismissed it. Soon after I was admitted and hoping for sleep, if that was even going to be possible.

It was instead to be a very very long night which was going to turn into a very long 8 week journey. Something wasn’t right with the machine I was hooked up to…or so the nurses thought. It was making a lot of racket that was unusual so the head nurse called my Doctor and they sent me back down to see the surgeon again for a ‘ deep stitching’ I believe they called it. It would seem we may have had some air still leaking and so they wanted a precautionary measure taken.

The Moment Time Stood Still

This felt like it was turning into a nightmare! I just wanted to go to sleep and this procedure was almost as difficult to bear as the first one. But I was brave and away we went. Done… and now please can I please have a sleeping pill? I really think I deserve a rest now, was my ‘quip’ to the nurse. She smiled and agreed.

I don’t think even one hour had passed and the nurse had given me my sleeping pill and alarm bells were going off again. Now I had several nurses in my room all trying to figure out why this machine I was attached to was sounding like a kettle over-boiling water at tea time! I am sure there were five nurses in the room when all of a sudden I can’t breathe, I can’t talk and no one is looking up at me!!

Finally, a nurse looks up and I am signaling with my hand in a slashing motion across my neck to tell her I can’t breathe. I had no idea what color I was or that I was swelling beyond recognition but that is what was happening. She almost screamed and the last thing I remembered was them running with me and the gurney, down the hall.

When I woke up, I had no idea where I was or what had happened. I was in the ICU and couldn’t see other than thru tiny slits in my eyes. What had happened to me is called Subcutaneous Emphysema. An air leak under the skin. Very dangerous if not stopped. They didn’t want to show me what I looked like but I was told later by my sister-in-law that the only way she knew it was me was by my hands.

And that is how you get hit with a double whammy BAM***

I remained in the ICU until an air ambulance jet and the paramedic team arrived to transport me to a larger city where a team of thoracic surgeons would oversee me and do more tests. All was looking good, and my lung had finally re-healed ( the lungs can do that) and returned home with an appointment to have my stitches removed on Friday of that week. I hoped beyond hope that I never had to go thru something like this again.

It was Terrifying!!

Alone, in a hospital you have never been in, not knowing why or what actually happened to you and then to have it happen again!! This time it was a loud gasping sound that came out of me early on a Sunday morning. Exactly one week from being released from the hospital. Having already had one experience with similar symptoms I knew it was going to be a 911 call again.
This time they didn’t hesitate. Chest tube inserted immediately after the x-ray and the thoracic team was called for a video conference call and I was transported by air ambulance within 3 days to have surgery to try and repair the lung.

Not one but two major surgeries took place in a short time frame of 10 days. The first surgery attempt had complications and 10 days later it was a more intense surgery with an ICU recovery.

6 weeks later

It has been quite the journey but you know I am still keeping on and not giving up or in. I don’t know when the next time will be but I am on the Drs. radar now. They told me two things:

  1. They say once it happens, and it is spontaneous,your risk of having it happen again are higher than most.

2. It would take close to a year to fully recover as this was very major surgery. ( ICU was my recovery room and then back to the ward for another 7 days)

In that year of recovery the market fell apart for home sales and once again I had to put aside something I had been excited to try. It was a hard pill to swallow but there is a lot of power in how we think so I just had to keep on keeping on!

You can try and fail or fall down due to circumstances but the only time you become a failure is when you stop getting back up. That was not an option for me. It was non-negotiable! I would just keep searching for something that would work for me, or be a really good fit.

I did however ask a few times what the b-geezers was happening? And why it was happening to me, but I didn’t quit. I kept on trying…and failing, I might add, but I tried. Then, unfortunately, it happened again! This time with the right lung.

This was a really hard one which left me totally out of the loop. It was another very long recovery with not one but two long stays in hospital, after one very brief return home only too re-collapse and three chest tubes later, a major infection from the chest tubes, and a shadow of the person I used to be. But I made it and I overcame the challenges that were in front of me. It almost didn’t happen. I seriously, very seriously was doubting that I had any fight left in me.

This was bigger than me but I decided I had to do this. I could not and would not give in. Not yet! No way.

When you are in this type of situation, any normal activity which is often taken for granted when you are healthy doesn’t exist. No, actually let me re-phrase that. It is taken for granted!

Do you think about how you are going to get yourself from point A to point B? Or plan out how you are going to wash your hair…take a shower…step by step? No, of course not. We take breathing for granted until we can’t that is.

I had also remembered reading that you have to make your lungs work in order to heal. Do whatever you can. Don’t stop. Make your lungs do the work. It felt like going to the gym for a full work-out or running a marathon without putting in the practice time or being in shape. They say without pain there is no gain. I was putting that to the test that was for sure!! What a fight getting thru that pain and the fear that surrounds you in case it should happen again. But you just keep on keeping on and keep on pushing through!


If anyone tells you a “story” about recovery without any kind of depression they might be feeling that they cannot share that part of their recovery. It seems there has always been a lot of shame that surrounds depression. That should NOT be the case!! We are only human and we can only endure so much for so long. When ever there is trauma there is a chance of depression or anxiety as you recover.

The best part, which I recently learned, is we have the power within us to change how we cope and how we can overcome any obstacles put in front of us. Is it easy? No way! But it is possible. Anything is if you want to make it happen. I think the biggest thing if I am to be totally honest here is that it takes time and focus and just plain ‘getting it’! When that happens, when you really get it, everything can change for you. I have an earlier post where I shared a bit on mindset and attraction factors. Look for Mindset-the-Choice-is-Yours in my blog roll if you would like to read more.

My Struggle Was Real

I hadn’t shared my story of all that had happened to me or the depression and tears of frustration other than with a few close people, until right now. So, when I was introduced to this new supplement, and I saw what others were saying I got excited.

I take one supplement to help me every day and after being on this now for almost 2 months I can tell you, with all sincerity that I don’t want to miss one day NOT EVER again. I missed a couple of days and the difference was astonishing. I actually didn’t think this could happen so quickly but it did. I went for a slam dunk and not the kind we celebrate! I crashed and then I knew.

No, I certainly am not a nutritionist or health guru nor do I have any training in this area. All I know is that it works for me and I was willing to give it a try. In my mind, if it is 100% natural how could it possibly do any harm? I had nothing to lose and a whole lot of happier days to gain.

AND…I DID, I DID, I DID!! Whoop whoop and a solid 10 thumbs up because I am getting happier and have more focus every day! Nope, not every day is perfect, but it is more than 75% better than I have had in years. SO, YES to getting more of me back.

Overcoming depression can be an ongoing struggle but I can say with all honesty that I feel more like ‘myself’ every day. I feel stronger in my mind than I have in a long time. I stopped taking any medications related to depression. No one said life would be easy and no one can predict health issues. They say if you don’t have your health you can’t possibly have wealth and success or even happiness but I think I am going to prove that statement wrong! Hell, I am determined to prove that it is possible. Anyone care to join me?

And if there is one other thing I have learned in this struggle is to NEVER assume anything about anyone or their circumstances! You do not know their story. Besides, when we assume, we are mostly wrong anyway. Right?

And that’s a wrap for me today…

Merry C.

Questions? Reach out I am only an email away…